Thursday, October 05, 2006
{ 9:36 PM }
If u're not married yet, share this with a friend.If u are married, share it with ur spouse orother married couples and reflect on it.An African proverb states, "Before u get married,keep both eyes open, and after u marry, closeone eye."Before u get involved and make a commitment tosomeone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make u blind to warning signs. Keepur eyes open, and don't fool urself that u canchange someone or that what u see as faults aren'treally important.Once u decide to commit to someone, over timehis or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, anddifferences will become more obvious. If u loveur mate and want the relationship to grow andevolve, u've got to learn to close one eye and notlet every little thing bother u. U and ur matehave many different expectations, emotional needs,values, dreams, weaknesses, andstrengths. U are two unique individual children ofGod who have decided to share a life together.Neither of u are perfect, but are u perfect foreach other? Do u bring out the best in each other?Do u compliment and compromise with eachother, or do u compete, compare, and control?What do u bring to the relationship? Do u bringpast relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, pastpain? U can't take someone to the altar to alterhim or her. U can't make someone love u or makesomeone stay.If u develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment,and "a life", u won't find yourself makingsomeone else responsible for ur happiness orresponsible for ur pain.Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, andselfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,healthy, loving and lasting relationship!Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security arethe wrong reasons to be in a relationship. Whatkeeps a relationship strong?Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor,sharing household tasks, some getaway timewithout business or children and daily exchanges(a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, anote).Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send anice email.Sharing common goals and interests. Growth isimportant. Grow together, not away from eachother, giving each other space to grow withoutfeeling insecure. Allow ur mate to have outsideinterest. U can't always be together. Give eachother a sense of belonging and assurances ofcommitment. Don't try to control one another.Learn each other's family situation. Respect his orher parents regardless.Don't put pressure on each other for materialgoods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If thesequalities are missing, the relationship will erode asresentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect,dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' iswhere you put the i.
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